I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
