I wish I only lived at night.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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