who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Of course I have a pirate flag
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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