Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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