Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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