i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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