and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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