She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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