Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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