What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
its not stalking. its research.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
