did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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