and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
