weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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