I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
