if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
