420 ftw
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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