Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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