i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
