I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
