I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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