His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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