We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
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he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
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Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I AM VODKA MAN
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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