First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
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Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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