you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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