I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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