yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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