If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
i think i just lost a toe
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