u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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