I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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