Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
