He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
