Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
