hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
