it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
