This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
COCAINE IS GR8
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
