Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
