who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
