She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
