Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
