You don't have asthma, your pregnant
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
