I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
