I accidentally had phone sex last night
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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