Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
