My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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