haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
a search helicopter?!
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
