I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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