How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
