Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize