Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
