Barsexuality is the new black.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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