Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
