I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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