There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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