dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
We got so high we made milksteak
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Randomize
