Everything about him screamed your future.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Come share oat with me in your robe
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
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