wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
