Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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