Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
ok first of all what the fuck
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