I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
