i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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