Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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