all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
