It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
