Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
